I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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