my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
