She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
