I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
