I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
