Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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