Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
