it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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