no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
