If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize