I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
