How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
