A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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