I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
40s are totally the cure
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
