i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How naked do you want me to be?
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