He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
MIDGETS
????
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
