i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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