Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im holly from the hills drunk
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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