that's an acceptable place to lick
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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