rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
