New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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