I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
