R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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