I skipped work to stalk him.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
