Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
