dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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