Whod you bang
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
