She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
