I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
