I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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