i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
