It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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