I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Two words: nipple clamps
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