You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
