im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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