Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
