i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
