nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
