I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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