Welp...herpes.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
