Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Rumble strips road head = magical
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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