The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
