so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
