i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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