btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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