you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
