She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
