I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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