I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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