did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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