Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
