So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the liver wants what the liver wants
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
