guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
