Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Floor bacon is actually really good
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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