My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
