I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize
