we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
