I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Say something about gay babies.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize