She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
