So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
