apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
