Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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