tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
