I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
