just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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