Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
