How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm really busy with my period
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