i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
