Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
