it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
