he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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