my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize