rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
