Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
