I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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