just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
