i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
