hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
