girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
