u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
