Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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