when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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