You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Damn victory sex feels great
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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