I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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