he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize