What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
