i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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