i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she told me i tasted like america
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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