The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Randomize
