How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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