I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
