Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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