please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
