I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
