So many bounce houses so little time
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
