I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
