We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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