even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
