I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
