ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
