look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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