She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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