i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
