No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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