I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
